I am sitting here trying to find a topic to discuss....in my headphones I am hearing Tim McGraw, you know the song...."Live Like You Were Dying"
This song means more poinent than ever, as reality is beginning to set in for me. May 14th 2: 08AM.
As I listen to this song, I am reminded of my children, my friends, Family....and more importantly Jenny. To describe her as my soul mate, eternal friend, mate, spouse, advocate etc, is truly an understatement. Jenny, I speak to you directly as I know you subscribe to this blog...
Words will never...ever describe how proud I am to be your husband, as I type this with tears in my eyes and song in my ears, I will never be able to explain to you how SORRY I am that you were given this news to deliver to me. I cannot say that it would have been any easier for to deliver this news to you, but given the opportunity I would have fell on that blade, if nothing more than to save you that one ounce of pain. I will never forget the look on your face when you walked in from the kitchen rom talking to the doctor, I would give aything to take that pain from you, the presenter of that cross to a man who has minimal faith in anything other than you! That moment should not have been a cross for you to bare!
I know others will read this, and know this is the most vulnerable state one can be in. I have always known I can be a better person to those I love, but I never knew how to do that until I met you. Regardless of what happens from this point on, please know You have been so amazing to me, a Man who wasn't desreving of his own mothers love, found that love in a women he never thought would give him the time of day, let alone three beautiful, wonderful, sweet, considerate children.
Hold on I need a break, I am crying to hard to type...
Okay...I think I have it together,
Nope!!! Hold On...
Not yet....ohhhhh How I love You!!!! I know you will say apologies are necessary, but how can I not apologize, no one signs on for this. " Would you marry me?" Oh and in thirteen years I will be diagnose with Cancer, after we have three wonderful kids...."Please say yes!!!"
I find some comfort that we have moved forward and have a surgery date in place, but...crying hold on...breathe...breathe.....but I am terrified!!! Nerves, arteries, vocal cords, tracheadomies.....holy hell, so many things to worry about, other than the cancer!
Regardless of the outcome, I hope I have done enough to justify me. A good person, Husband, Father and friend. You tell me all that I am all of these, and I trust you are right. But if not, know I have have put every ounce of my being into being that very thing.
I know life is not fair to any of us, but it should not be fair to us specifically. Meaning, you should not have to deal with my infairness...we share life, our children share our life and none of this is fair to any of you.
Although, we are in the situation we are in now, I would have expressed my love to you, asked for you hand and had our children without hesitation. I am better now than I was now for it.
I don't know how to end this.....so I will just say, none of what I have written completely explains or describres how....one sec...crying again, just how much I have enjoyed my life with you, but I can say I will enjoy the next thirty or so years with you, our children, their children and our friends.
Love Bob(Chris)....
This song means more poinent than ever, as reality is beginning to set in for me. May 14th 2: 08AM.
As I listen to this song, I am reminded of my children, my friends, Family....and more importantly Jenny. To describe her as my soul mate, eternal friend, mate, spouse, advocate etc, is truly an understatement. Jenny, I speak to you directly as I know you subscribe to this blog...
Words will never...ever describe how proud I am to be your husband, as I type this with tears in my eyes and song in my ears, I will never be able to explain to you how SORRY I am that you were given this news to deliver to me. I cannot say that it would have been any easier for to deliver this news to you, but given the opportunity I would have fell on that blade, if nothing more than to save you that one ounce of pain. I will never forget the look on your face when you walked in from the kitchen rom talking to the doctor, I would give aything to take that pain from you, the presenter of that cross to a man who has minimal faith in anything other than you! That moment should not have been a cross for you to bare!
I know others will read this, and know this is the most vulnerable state one can be in. I have always known I can be a better person to those I love, but I never knew how to do that until I met you. Regardless of what happens from this point on, please know You have been so amazing to me, a Man who wasn't desreving of his own mothers love, found that love in a women he never thought would give him the time of day, let alone three beautiful, wonderful, sweet, considerate children.
Hold on I need a break, I am crying to hard to type...
Okay...I think I have it together,
Nope!!! Hold On...
Not yet....ohhhhh How I love You!!!! I know you will say apologies are necessary, but how can I not apologize, no one signs on for this. " Would you marry me?" Oh and in thirteen years I will be diagnose with Cancer, after we have three wonderful kids...."Please say yes!!!"
I find some comfort that we have moved forward and have a surgery date in place, but...crying hold on...breathe...breathe.....but I am terrified!!! Nerves, arteries, vocal cords, tracheadomies.....holy hell, so many things to worry about, other than the cancer!
Regardless of the outcome, I hope I have done enough to justify me. A good person, Husband, Father and friend. You tell me all that I am all of these, and I trust you are right. But if not, know I have have put every ounce of my being into being that very thing.
I know life is not fair to any of us, but it should not be fair to us specifically. Meaning, you should not have to deal with my infairness...we share life, our children share our life and none of this is fair to any of you.
Although, we are in the situation we are in now, I would have expressed my love to you, asked for you hand and had our children without hesitation. I am better now than I was now for it.
I don't know how to end this.....so I will just say, none of what I have written completely explains or describres how....one sec...crying again, just how much I have enjoyed my life with you, but I can say I will enjoy the next thirty or so years with you, our children, their children and our friends.
Love Bob(Chris)....
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